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Read Some of Eric's Sports Columns In the Slidell Sentry News
With the retirement of our former
football expert “Tank”, we set out to find the best replacement gridiron
prognosticator we could find. After an exhaustive search of a three square
block area we were able to unearth “Éclair”, a somewhat portly, egotistical
pastry con-a-sewer with an uncertainly shady past. Éclair spent last week in
the company of law enforcement, emerging to a shaky 3-2 beginning to his
season.
I met up with Éclair this week in
the public library rather than his usual corner at an unnamed local doughnut
shop.
Eric: “Well Éclair, the time you
spent in the hoosegow must have set you back some. I guess being out of touch
for a week threw you off in the games you missed last week.”
Éclair: “Well maybe a little. The
biggest surprise for me was Slidell.
I thought they’d be a stronger, but I didn’t miss by too much on the Jags
though.”
Eric: “You’ve been out a week now.
Is freedom better than our local lockup?”
Éclair: “You know, I’ve got to say
that the time I spent in that place gave me a new perspective on things. I
think it allowed me to grow as a person”
Eric: “I’ll believe that when I
see it. How does a week in the local jail qualify as a self-improvement
program?”
Éclair; “You are so unenlighted.
For your information I spent the entire week plunging deeply into the works of
a great American poet. I think his work has inspired me to greater things.”
Eric: “Well, a little education is
a dangerous thing. Let’s remember why we’re here. This week we’ve got some cross-town
games. How do you like Pope’s chances against Pearl River?”
Éclair: “I do not like them Sam-I
Am,
I think the Jags are in a jam
I would not could not go with Pope
The Rebels runs will kill their
hope.
Rebels 28, Pope 7”
Eric: “I can’t believe I just
heard that. Your great American poet is Dr. Seuss?”
Éclair: “You gotta go to school at
least five years to be a doctor. That’s more than you ever did.”
Eric: “Hey, I’ve got a B.S.”
Éclair: “Yeah, and in more than
one bucket.”
Eric: “Let’s move on. Give me your
take on Northshore at Salmen.”
Éclair: “Run Cats, Fun Cats
This week they’re done Cats
I think this week the Spartans
soar
Quite a lot of points they’ll
score
Spartans 35, Panthers 10
Eric: “Hold on guy. I don’t think
Dr Seuss qualifies as great poetry.”
Éclair: “Oh yeah, how many books
did Walt Pittman sell? You’re just jealous ‘cause nobody will buy the stuff you
write.”
Eric: “Hey I got a check…once.”
Éclair “I’ll bet there were a lot
of zeros on that baby huh?" Here’s your last game Knucklehead.”
Eric: “Excuse me while I barf.”
Éclair: “This week the Tigers will
be mean sir
They’ll create a bloody scene sir
Bruins clocks this week they’ll clean
sir
Score until the scoreboard screams
sir.
Slidell
28, Bonnabel 6
Eric: “Somebody shoot me now,
please.”
Let us now take a few moments to
mourn the death of American Literature, brought to its knees by a bag of
doughnut holes, while we ask the burning question: “Where are the Snowdens of
yesteryear?”
Until next week.
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